I love and hate the fact that Doumeki, who is known to be a very quiet person expressed his emotions out, like crying for Yashiro… while Yashiro who is known to be self-expressive could not say coherent words when Doumeki was shot in front of him. They’re so opposite, but feel that fear of losing one another at the same time.
Don’t get me wrong, I noticed that shock face from Yashiro when Nanahara got hit, but it was much more devastating when it happened to Doumeki, that he unconsciously picked up a rock to hit that mustard Hirata. I’m so in love and in pain… I never felt like this in any BL!
Also, I love your metas!!!
Anonymous
Ah, thank you so much for reading my overlong Sazeuru screeching! Very kind of you.
I also love and hate the fact that they are one another’s Kryptonite. We never see Doumeki break his stoic facade, not even when he’s in prison(!). We see him get angry a lot, but he only ever cries for Yashiro. And he cries in two situations:
- When Yashiro’s left him behind (by almost dying after getting shot).
- After he does something sexual with Yashiro in the first arc. Then he cries because he’s terrified he’s just like his father.
Even when he hears that Yashiro doesn’t remember him (a clear lie), he doesn’t cry. Doumeki only ever cries when he feels Yashiro’s been harmed in some way. That is so beautifully poignant to me.
Same thing with Yashiro. He plays at feelings all the time. If you read the manga and pay attention only to his facial expressions, you’ll see he makes them all. But he’s only ever serious when it’s about Doumeki (and about Kage, but that happened less and less as he fell for Doumeki).
I will never forget this panel.
It’s the same shocked expression he has when Hirata shoots Doumeki. The background fades to black so we know this is a major plot point. We also know Yashiro can’t stop thinking about losing Doumeki because immediately after this particular storm settles, he thinks about Doumeki getting shot while they’re going at it in the back seat. He thinks about Doumeki getting shot when he’s having a panic attack in Doumeki’s bathroom.
He says, “I’m afraid what it will do to me if I lose you.” He thinks about losing Doumeki when he conveniently “forgets” about him right before the timeskip. And maybe the most obvious sign of Yashiro’s feelings in all this is the fact that he never lets Doumeki act like a proper bodyguard and get out in front of him when it really matters. He cares too much about him to use him as a shield. This is true of everyone; Yashiro doesn’t think he’s worth protecting. But with Doumeki, every dangerous stunt they pull is like an existential crisis. He would rather leave Doumeki than lose him.
That shit hurts my whole soul.
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