I hated what I saw in this episode. Yet, so much now makes sense.

Whereas before Seungho’s behavior occupied a crazy and almost impenetrable place, and Mr Kim has hinted previously about ‘the shed’ and Seungho’s father that made me uneasy, this… this has me enraged.I knew there was a reason Mr Kim rubbed me the wrong way, and here it is. When Mr Kim called out Seungho after Nakyum’s kidnapping, and prompted him to find his better nature, he used talk of the shed as a way to connect Seungho emotionally with Nakyum. At the time my mind raced with questions, the chief one being, “Who put Seungho in a shed?”

But it was Mr Kim is the one put Baby Seungho in the shed! And on Elder Master Yoon’s orders. And the reason why!!!!!

Mr Kim continues to idle somewhere near the bottom of my consideration pile. He’s right down there, lower than even Jihwa, for whom I have compassion and empathy. I have none for Mr Kim.Seungho was obviously gay and knew it early on, and in an attempt to ‘fix’ him, Baby Seungho was imprisoned and tortured, sexually abused. I still cannot get over Mr Kim. He picked that boy up, called him little better than a dog or animal, and bodily thrust baby Seungho into the shed. I can’t forgive that.

(Which is ironic considering all the fucked up shit Seungho has done that I have forgiven. I know that and you don’t need to @ me on that one.)

This chapter is told largely in flashbacks. When I saw Baby Seungho, face battered beyond recognition and too feverish to walk, and Mr Kim’s impotent and incompetent staring, I wanted to put Mr Kim in in the straw mat and beat him myself. Mr Kim, too was obviously shocked by Seungho’s condition even though he’s the one helping to traumatise the fucking child. Maybe that’s where his guilt started, but I, like Seungho, don’t give a fuck.

But I’m reminded by own commentaries about not judging a character in a historical setting based on modern moral values. I can’t be a hypocrite now.

I am judging Mr Kim because Seungho is still hurt. What happened is still messing him up in the present moment.

I just got a funny feeling about Mr Kim from the beginning and here it is, the reason why.We can complain about Seungho’s craziness in Season 1 and Season 2, but it’s clear that he was made that way by the adults around him, whose cruelty and abdication of responsibility would be appalling in any time frame. It’s clear that Mr Kim played a significant part in hurting Seungho at the deepest levels of his psyche, and for that I won’t forgive him. Not unless Seungho does.

It certainly explains the default frostiness with which Seungho always treats Mr Kim. And now I do not fucking blame him in the least…

Yet, Mr Kim has to be playing for redemption too, because he does actually take the best care of Seungho that he can, and by extension Nakyum. It’s just I’m sure that the guilt for the part he played drives him to do so… and frankly, he could wipe Seungho’s ass for the rest of his life, and I still think it wouldn’t be enough.

I really just don’t like Mr Kim much.The only glimpse we get of Nakyum this episode is towards the end.

As usual, Seungho comes at night to gaze on his lover and says to Nakyum that he wants to take him to see the calligrapher, so they can hang poetry for spring and good luck.

Nakyum, still lying (because Nakyum is a liar), lies quietly and just blushes. It’s the sweetest moment of the episode, but it highlights strongly that with Nakyum, Seungho finds a little respite from the mire of his memories and relief from the depth of his trauma.

Certainly, he’s being brave enough to start letting go of some things… enough to let Nakyum into his heart.

This, for me, will be always the reason why I love Seungho. He is braver than he looks when we first meet him, and emotionally he followed and is following his heart… wherever it takes him.