In my last log, “My Memory Keeps Slipping”, I said I wanted to sympathise with Seungho. I’ve seen these subtle changes in his behaviour over the last several chapters that are compelling and indicate that something more that asshole fuckery is going on under the surface.
This episode has thrown me back into questioning everything. It is interesting that byeonduck chooses to show Seungho first, leaving the pavilion with a dead, cold and empty look on his face. Almost as if he’s haunted by something, and what he had just done. More significantly, when he’s prompted, he sends Mr Kim to take care of Nakyum. If he was really an asshole, why would he care?

I give Mr Kim one point for asking about Nakyum. I know he did it to prod Seungho, but it worked.

I get that Seungho is feeling something he can’t define for Nakyum. I get that he is a spoilt, class privileged, rich nobleman with neither filter or reserve, and with a perverted obsession with sex. I get that “no” is something he has rarely heard, and it triggers some kind of fury in him. I get that opposition, rudeness to his person, and being called out for things is unfamiliar. I get that this is a combination for cruel and ruthless behaviour.But he did not need to be such an asshole when confronted with Nakyuum’s reaction to his behaviour. I also get that Seungho rarely has to deal with consequences. For anything. That his behaviour is rationalized and made excuses for, and he’s gotten a pass for most of his life.

So while I understand his reaction, I cannot condone Seungho’s behaviour. I simply cannot.

He did something with no thought of those consequences, and for the first time… in fact, from the very first time Seungho met him, Nakyum has resisted, shouted, refused, pushed him away. The only way he could get close to him was to grab him and overpower him, or take advantage of a moment of drunk weakness. This isn’t honorable, and he has never claimed honorability, only that it appears thrust upon him.

I really. don’t think he’s ever had to face the emotional consequences of his actions in this fashion.
And Nakyum. Again I am struck by how fearless he can be. It’s quite stunning when contrasted with his appearing timidity. He has a ferocity that explodes out of him. He, like Seungho, clearly has rarely had to deal with consequences.

He is not afraid to shout at Seungho, even though he’s proven himself murderous, violent and willing to do things Nakyum could neither imagine or comprehend.

They are both difficult for the other to quantify, and in this episode something in them broke against the walls they each have up.

And Seungho is chiefly responsible. After the scene of him alone looking defeated in the bathhouse, he knows it too.

But is he even emotionally equipped to rectify the situation?